I have been shelving the thought of Ty starting preschool in September more so because, when I think of waving to my child every morning and wondering what he is doing for five hours that follow, my chest feels heavy and I start zoning out where I imagine life as a movie montage – always in slow motion of course – little boy with a large red back pack waving for me to come with him – whispering he wants me to stay and I tell him I wish I could. The screen fades and I had one of those moments where all the strings to my heart tugged at the same time.
I have never been so aware of the way my son’s hand fits in mine than I was today, as we walked across the parking lot together, his little hand tightened its grip as if signaling that he understood I needed to borrow a bit of his confidence.
When we made the decision and had a meeting with the Principle earlier a visitor’s badge indicated the fact that we did not yet belong at this school and strangely, I found comfort in that. We were not here yet. I still had time to decide if preschool was for my child. I am excited about the fun he will have and the friends he will make. But I feel a little sad that my baby is venturing into the world without mama.
My visit to the school today was bittersweet especially when introduced as a new parent in the school (yes, no visitor badge) I made it a point to be happy. Enthusiastic. Relaxed. Peaceful. Open to new experiences.
I watched him absorb every moment, every little event when I took him to familiarize with his classroom space to be. He kept repeating the word ‘school’. Even though school is out until September. This parenting thing is such a journey and it’s impossible to know what to expect other than expect to be surprised and to love your children more than you ever thought possible.
Have you watched Mama Mia?? When Sofie is getting married, mom Donna sings a song called Slipping Through My Fingers.
I think I am just feeling very nostalgic right now, and I need to dwell here a little bit. It is an interesting crossroads. There is good ahead.
New seasons bring new challenges but also new colors, new fruit, new things that fill us with wonder–things we did not recognize before.
A little bit excited and a little bit sad tend to compliment each other quite nicely. And that’s exactly where I am right now, on the brink of a new season with memories to be made.
The beauty of life comes from the opportunity to “feel” ourselves through so many changes.