This past weekend was our 7 years wedding anniversary and I have been rather reflective.
Here are 7 lessons I have learned in 7 years of marriage and they apply in general too:
1) My vows to love and honour did not come with condition and caveat. That I will only love and honour Mr. T only when he behaves or acts in a certain way ( am still learning this … sigh!)
2) Forgiveness is very underrated, and so necessary for a great marriage. Mr. T and I continue to grow together largely through forgiveness.
3) Marriage takes lots of intentional work especially after kids – but it worth every bit of it. It is the little things after you have kids that help you stay connected. For us making time for each other, every night even if it is just to watch a show has helped us stay connected. Remembering how it felt when we first met. What lengths we would go to, to make the other happy or impress them, or make them feel great. Unhappiness is contagious so is happines. When I make Mr. T feel bad it always would flow down.
4) Your quirks are what makes you lovable. Truth is we need each other’s quirks and oddities – in life and relationships. Our differences don’t divide us. They make us need one another.
5) The word “BUT” never made any apology; apologies do not come with rationalizations and expectations.
6) You owe it to your spouse to be your best self. Even though you’re married, you’re still two individuals who have some different interests; it’s okay to still “do you” after you’re married! Yeap! a set of loving romantic parents to set a marvelous heritage for our future generations.
7) You will have horrible thoughts……… many times Mr. T has made my blood boil and I could think things like. ‘I must have been wrong about the kind of guy ‘, ‘I can’t be with him’ ‘what the heck!’ Just don’t dwell there. No marriage stays awesome 24/7.
Ahem! One last thing sometimes the very concept of marriage changes things in a person’s head, especially expectations before marriage, it may have been alright for Mr. T to hang out with the boys after work without calling to let me know. After marriage, a phone call is expected. Talk about these kinda things.
May the coming years reveal many more wonderful layers and delightful surprises.